B******s to Alton Towers

One of my mates has one of those perfect “toilet books for blokes” (it is only men who read on the bog isn’t it?) called Bollocks to Alton Towers. A guide to British funny, nay quirky places that one should visit. The understated, should be classic, esoteric, un-romantic (for some) honey pots of this land.

The little towns and the unknown villages, places like Barometer World, Great Torrington in Devon and Blackgang Chine on the Isle of White (yes I have been to both). The former probably the finest collection of barometers in the country and the latter a return to one’s childhood as you explore giant toadstools sitting alongside Sherman tanks to play in.

Inspired by this marvellous alternative travel guide, I decided to string together my own travelogue outside of the theme parks and the glamorous locations in search of my own set of mini miscreants, all with their own unique charm, sticking two fingers up at Chatsworth House, Madam Tussards and indeed Alton Towers.

I decided 3 rules for this malarkey:

1) Find a place with historical stuff in it. But nowhere that pulls in hoards of loud, bulging Americans or chubby School kids.

2) Go to a Heritage site. A bit like number one, but maybe something like a steam train ride or a place that it might be a good idea to read up about first, lest the disappointment is too crushing…

3) Go to the seaside. This could be a lottery. I am still amazed that I actually uttered the words “day return to Cleethorpes please”.

4) Go to a random town or City that’s got all or some of the above with stuff off the beaten track. Just be careful of the local’s, mentioning no names Lincoln.

Oops that was four, but you get my drift. Oh and no matter how bad the day out, I must at least take one picture for prosperity, even if it’s only of the train ticket for proof or a local branch of Greggs.

In no particular order, first off will be Brean Down Fortress, Somerset. The question now being should these tales now be called travelblogs? Whatever, just be sure if you are ever travelling through Devon and are near Great Torrington, do not hesitate to visit Barometer World, a troubadour amongst those telling Alton Towers where to get off…